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Get a grip, girls! m4w Sigh. What is it with my recent streak? This rant is directed at my three most recent sexual partners. It is not meant to say "wow, women all suck" because they dont. Nor is it meant to say "Im totally awesome" because while I am sometimes damned awesome, Im not always awesome and Im sure I could stand to learn a thing or three about sex. So. With those caveats out of the way my most recent adventures:
#1 The Bobber. She thinks shes amazing at giving head because she apparently saw some horrific porn flick fetish and club and london recently where the blow job consisted of a contest to see how fast the women could -rabbit themselves up and down over a guys cock. Shes whipping up and down so fast that her hair is flying and I feel like somebody is taking a pogo-stick to my crotch. Not fun. Or sexy. And Im worried shes going to get whiplash and hurt herself. This isnt a bobbing for apples contest, ladies. Go slow. Lick. Suck. Lick around the balls. Or ass if youre feeling adventurous. But the goal isnt to prove that your head moves faster than a jackhammer.
#2 The Self-Conscious. She wont take her shirt off because shes apparently concerned that the naked guy pounding away at her from behind (or under her, or on top of her) will be turned off by a bit of flab. Bejebus, woman. If Im naked with an erection thats threatening to explode, then youve got it going on and I dont give a rats ass about a bit of flab. Believe me, your sexiness is only maybe 25% related to how amazing you look. I mean, having a drop-dead gorgeous body doesnt hurt, of course, but if you dont have it dont sweat it. You can still be breath-takingly amazing in bed. So take off the shirt. I guarantee that Im not going to suddenly turn into a flaccid piece of limp-dick because you have love handles. I am, on the other hand, going to go to town on your nipples. ;)
#3 The Anal Hater. Ok, this one is mostly on the guys because somewhere along the way it seems to have gotten into most guys heads that anal sex is supposed to be done at light speed, without warning, and without lube. So hey, is it really a shock that a lot of women are like "Hell no. Not a chance. Get your dick away from there"? I mean, consider: Slow, Lube, and Warning. You can much do without any one of the three, but thats about it. So for the neanderthalic knuckle-dragging assholes out there ruining it for the rest of us (who know how much fun anal sex can be, and who know how to make it an awesome experience for our partners): Please stop. Just stop. Quit being assholes and trying to ram your dick into her ass without lube and warning. Heres a suggestion: Take a cucumber and ram it up your ass as fast as you can without lube. Was it fun? Now. Back on track here. If youre the woman who has never tried it what the hell, give it a shot. Or some rimming. Or fingering. Or whatever. You might be surprised at how much fun it is. Just make sure its with a nice guy.
Alrighty. I am ranted out. But I do feel better.
If, by the way, you are not #1, #2, or #3, and youre in some sort of kinky horny frenzied ball of hormones that just wants to drop your clothes on the floor and fuck like rabid minks in heat you know how to get in touch. Preferably with a pic.
Peace out. :)
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The Impact of Sexual Arousal on Women’s Risk Taking and Sexual Health Intentions